i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
