just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I still have a little drunk in my system
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
