Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
