If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
