Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
