The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
