I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
