sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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