I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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