some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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