I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
