you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
