I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
