I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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