i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
