In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
