Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
