Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
