I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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