he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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