you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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