Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
