I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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