no, he came in my armpit
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He shit in the fireplace
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
