every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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