2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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