so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
