I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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