as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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