Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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