if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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