Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
