just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
