My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
