What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
