like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
