Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
