she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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