she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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