While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
