ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
