Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
