THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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