I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
