And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
