now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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