i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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