If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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