so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
