you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
