I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
