was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
