i just wanna soil my oats bro
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
