those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
