i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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