My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
